I read the story of a woman who longed to find a good man to share her life with. Finally, she met a wonderful guy who had pretty much all the qualities she was looking for.
Their relationship started very well, that is, until he asked her to commit. Then, things turned sour. She became distant and cold, avoiding him as best as she could, and attempting to dissolve the relationship.
But this was not enough to discourage the young man, who relentlessly pursued her and confronted her. It turns out that it wasn’t the first time she had done this. When pressed to commit, she would have this tendency to run away.
After chasing her for a while, her previous boyfriends got the message, got discouraged, and left her alone. But this guy persisted. To him, she was a gem, and he was ready to commit, big time.
When confronted, she didn’t really know what to answer, as even she didn’t understand her reaction. But upon reflection, she realized and admitted that she couldn’t picture herself committing to him – or anyone – because that would mean losing her independence, her freedom. For her, committing to a serious relationship meant she would lose herself and would have to conform to rules, regulations, demands and obligations.
As many others, she fell prey to the myth: commitment equals confinement.
People who fall prey to this myth run away at the sight of commitment because they believe that committing to someone will result in a loss of their freedom. The end result is: they can’t enjoy a serious relationship, because serious relationships, by definition, require commitment.
If you have fallen prey to this myth, your time to free yourself has come.
I won’t lie and pretend that nothing changes when you commit to a serious relationship.
Commitment changes many things… For instance:
- Commitment is investment in time. Commitment means spending time together building the relationship, time that you may have been investing elsewhere prior to the commitment. Although your agenda may require adjustments, your investment will produce fulfilling results. Plus, if the person is right for you, you should be happy about spending lots of time with him or her.
- Commitment means thinking “we”. When you commit, your mindset changes from “I” to “we”. For many, this is a big step; the “I” sometimes has a hard time making space for “we”. But, “we” is stronger than “I”. Embracing “we” will free you from the prison of loneliness. In “we”, not only “I” survives, it truly blossoms.
- Commitment is sacrifice. In a committed relationship, you don’t always have your way. For the sake of the relationship, you may have to let go of some things: opinions, habits, plans, etc. That said, the rewards of committing exceed the sacrifices you make. The benefits make the efforts worthwhile.
- Commitment means stretching. It forces you to grow. As you interact closely with your companion, you discover character traits that require work. That said, your companion helps through the process. In fact, any companion worth his or her salt will help you grow, encourage you to pursue your goals and dreams, and help you realize your potential.
Committing to a serious relationship is work, but very enriching when you find someone good for you. It does change things, but I believe for the better. Don’t let the myth “Commitment is Confinement” lock you out of finding and building a wonderful relationship.
Questions: Do you find it difficult to commit to someone? Why? You can leave a comment below.
Note: Click here to read Part 1.